December 22, 2010 § 2 Comments
When I look into your eyes
I can see a nun restrained
Remember when I told you
There’s a beast in you untamed.
Cause fidelity doesn’t last forever
As we both know what happened to Assange
It’s impossible to withhold the cable
When in Afghanistan missiles rain.
We’ve not been together for a long long time
Just trying to tell you about the relationship strain
Lovers come and lovers go
But you will be remembered for the sweetest crotch pain.
So if you want to love me
Then darling don’t refrain
Or I’ll just end up believing
It’s the same old menstrual pain.
I know it’s hard to really read my heart
When with all your friends I have a history
But I swear it to the just concluded fart
It was your BFF who gave me the acne
So never mind the darkness
Some electricity bills I am yet to pay
This wouldn’t be so forever
Since Dad’s car is now up on eBay.
December 5, 2010 § 3 Comments
What this place used to be like
and those people I met
warm, fuzzy and nice
together we sketched a fine vignette.
That subscribing to feeds
or hitting refresh
hoping to see a new post
from friends of the online flesh.
Miss those long conversations
about the subtle implications that were never expressed
that waiting for the co-blogger to come online
when real life as a concept was as good as dead.
The tiny moments of bursting joy
after a new comment
the time I wasted day dreaming
wondering if the next composition be advent or lament.
Where are you lost
friends bonded over a bunch of words
your spaces exist in vain
unless your excuse is lost passwords.
August 20, 2009 § 1 Comment
Thursday seems to be a pretty irregular day to write a blog. But let’s not get into that, considering there’s been no wordfall here in the last couple of months. I calculated I’ve been writing consistently at intervals of 75 days. But there’s definitely one truth I would like to share with you – I’m most honest (with words or wisdom) when I’m sick. Have you figured the rest of this post shall be equally menacingly headless meaningless?
So I’m down with major flu right now. Took an off from work and it got so incredibly bland and difficult to not do anything that I’m here.
One thing I’ve been telling almost everyone I meet these days is that our jobs make us sad people. That, when I’m one of the very few workers who love what they do. I’ve changed since I started working. Tremendously. And it has cost me dearly on a personal level, while I’ve only grown happier on the material level. I used to be a most sensitive friend, boyfriend, son, brother, kin and all the rest. It has taken a definite beating. When I saw I could be a perfectionist on the work front, I let go of the obsessive desire to keep every part of the rest of my life in good shape. It sounds terrible as I write it and read it and hear it in my ears. But truth must be told. Even to self.
I stay in what could easily be the most peaceful location for a room in an apartment in this city. I’ve spent endless hours in my balcony that stretches to give a panoramic view of about 180 degrees of South Delhi, with beer in one hand and uncertainty that I’ve tended to clutch in the other. A decent number of women have come and admired the view and collectively the person who it belongs to now. I can recount almost no weekends when there’s not been a friend or two to drink with. I look at it as some sort of a calming influence after six mad days at work. My social circle has by all means expanded like crazy once I got into the job, but the time I spent with no body by my side has grown inversely to that number. I’ve met a lot of interesting people in the last few months, but few who I’ve come to really respect. Somehow finding faults with people has only gotten easier. And so has accepting them as they are. The manner in which I understood humanity has turned itself on its head. I remember I was a fairly closed person earlier. I hope some friends have known this. These days while my perspective has undergone a sea change, and by virtue of that I should be able to judge more wisely, I don’t. I let things happen. To me. If there’s a concept of living every day, I practice it now. I’m not averse to change of any kind. I assumed I can always go back to being what I was. Unfortunately, that time has never come. I’m only sinking deep into the shit of life and its ways.
As long as you were in college, it was pretty straightforward to not worry about the future. There was a set timeline when you knew things would happen on their own. Once out of that routine, time loses its significance. You know every day that you’re not inching closer to any deadline. The maximum you would do is remember how soon the year is coming to and end, or how long since the time you kissed a girl. Everything else ceases to exist. You don’t worry if you’re getting old. Or if your parents are. Because you were just thrown onto a mechanical belt that shall henceforth carry you through different stages of a process you will never figure. You are expected to obey and just do things, not worrying about what and where and when.
This is also the time when you derive a lot of useful information from things and people and events around you. Suddenly you will start to notice where your peers have reached on the ladder of life, and what struggles you must now do to keep up. The sheer magnitude of ways and means you could move ahead in life can drive you crazy. How many of us have been blessed with the vision to weigh and anticipate all options and choose the best?
Anyhow, the pills have worked on me undeniably. That’s the saddest I’ve been in like a long time! I shall write again soon. I promise. This time, I hope it’s not another 75 days.
Time for some adrak chai now.
September 4, 2008 § 3 Comments
June 24, 2008 § 2 Comments
Third in the day
the twenty-four hour unrest
and peace every second slips away.
Impulse is my thing
never a wise ally
forever making you the sullen king.
In coming, it seems so unfair
solitude never did me any good
cosmic incarceration taking me nowhere.
Why can I not stop
what causes such infliction?
Why does serenity elude
oh what have I now done..
June 24, 2008 § 4 Comments
From some Astrology website that seems to make the mystery a little more solvable for me –
Virgo – June 24, 2008
You’re feeling very introverted today, dear Virgo, as you seek answers to some existential questions. Indeed, you are asking yourself whether your life is turning out the way you had in mind. Are your friends the way you would like them to be? Or are you always disappointed? All positive change starts with questions such as these. Give yourself lots of space for creative contemplation.